Moan for me like Helen Keller
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
