party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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