You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
