enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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