i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
