party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
