I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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