my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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