dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
