Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
