I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
