i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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