remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You need a sexual gate keeper
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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