and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
