I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
