I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
