Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
