the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
