I just cut my nipple shaving
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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