dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
