he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
