everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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