Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
