When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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