watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
