No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
