dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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