I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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