sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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