Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
