Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
