It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
