the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You can't special order awesome
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
