there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
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