It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
