I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
