It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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