if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
