Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
