Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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