I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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