TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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