I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
