porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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