So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
