ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
