Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
