You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
