glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
