it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
