I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
